In MY FIRST EVER PODCAST EPISODE (🤯🤯!!!!!), I'm chatting all about people pleasing and how it has impacted me in both my personal life and in my business. We’ll be digging in to the warning signs that your boundaries may be lacking, along with how you can assert your boundaries in your business without feeling like TOOO much of an asshole (lol).
In This Episode, I Also Cover:
My experience with people pleasing & why you may do this too
The specific "warning signs" I get when I need stronger boundaries
How I use my past nightmare clients to set stronger boundaries in my business
How to get clear on the standards you want to operate your business under
Navigating tricky situations with clients who won’t take the hint
Avoiding these sticky situations by calling in BFF clients to begin with
Follow along on IG: @hollgrafix
Send me an email: email@example.com
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IN MY EYES, PEOPLE PLEASING IS FEELING LIKE…
Other people’s needs, values, desires, lives – are more valuable / important than my own.
As a self-proclaimed 'people pleaser' you may feel like making other people happy or like you is more important than getting what you want / need. AKA: keeping the ‘peace’ is more important than living the life you want for yourself.
SOME BIG WARNING SIGNS THAT I’m lacking boundaries & I’m people pleasing TOO MUCH are…
(1) Feeling “controlled” – like people are dictating how I spend my time / my choices / etc. It feels like nothing I do is FOR ME…
(2) Feeling resentful because I “never” have my needs met – like I’m doing for others, but not getting that love back, feeling like nobody gives me what I need (cause I don’t actually tell them).
(3) Feeling disconnected from who I really am – I start to question everything and feel like I don’t even know who I am, what I even enjoy or value … because I’m always going with the flow ad doing what others want 🤯 🤯!!
A LOT OF THIS COMES DOWN TO THE FACT THAT…
I try to be the "cool girl". I go with the flow. I avoid setting boundaries or standing up for what I really want (so others feel more comfortable).
This results in me letting others walk alllll over me – cause I'm seeking that connection and to make sure others are happy no matter what.
So over time... my needs are NOT met and I end up moving farther and farther away from who I REALLY AM / desire to be.
BOUNDARIES ARE ESSENTIAL TO CREATING BALANCE & FLOW IN YOUR BUSINESS
AKA: the key to having clients happy without sacrificing your sanity.
If you want to have a life and business that doesn't have you feeling resentful and wanting to rip your hair out, you absolutely NEED to get into the habit of setting and reinforcing healthy boundaries.
How to know what boundaries you need in your business & how to set them:
(1) Look at your last nightmare clients— What made you hate working with them? Did they pay late? Did they take a week to reply to an important email? Did they reschedule calls 5 times? Did they text you at 9pm and on the weekends? Did they send endless revisions any time they pleased?
Reflect on these crappy experiences, take them as a lesson learned, and ADD IT TO THE CONTRACT!
(2) What do you really want your life to look like & feel like? — Reflect on what your absolute dream life looks and feels like... What practices will help you achieve that? What rules // standards can you set for yourself / others in order to make this a reality? What kind of PERSON do you need to be to get there?
(3) Setting Firm Boundaries— Take the experiences from your past clients and combine that with what you know you need in order to live your dream life...And create 'rules' for how you live your life / run your business. Be super clear surrounding these expectations and 'rules' you live by, because if you never state your boundaries or communicate your needs, people won't know and will ALWAYS be crossing your boundaries.
People have different standards & expectations and are absolutely NOT mind readers, so you gotta communicate what you need, whether it's verbally, in a contract, or in some other way... you gotta do it (though it may feel icky at times).
Dealing with "boundary pushers" in business:
Sometimes people will 'push' our boundaries and will be difficult to work with. Other times, we forget to set clear expectations upfront (or we assume everyone knows what we know), and end up in some less than ideal situations.
Whether it's clear communication, setting 'rules', ending a client project, or something else...We have to take action when our boundaries are crossed! These kinds of situations are just a part of running a business, and will arise at one point or another!
Stating boundaries with clients who won’t take the hint, without feeling like an asshole— The key here is being firm, stating your need, and why what you need is ESSENTIAL to the success of _ outcome / to see best results. Be firm with what you need and ask your client if they can commit to that upfront, so there's no further miscommunication.
Boundaries that weren't discussed in the contract— If you truly need something in order for your client to see results or success in the project, it's in your integrity to share that with them. It is your responsibility to communicate what you need from your clients. If they aren’t aware of what you need or of a boundary that you've left unspoken, it is your responsibility to share it with them. If they're a dream client, they will respect and appreciate that you lead with honesty and integrity, trust me!!
Setting “pre-boundaries” / AKA: calling in the right people off the bat— The easiest way to navigate tricky boundary situations is to avoid them in the first place!! Being clear about your values, what you do / do not stand for, and sharing your personality & process online will help with calling in the right people in the first place.
Speaking to the people who are actually your DREAM clients versus those who aren’t, will be key in calling them to you. So, speak to the people you want to work with and talk to them in a way that acknowledges their values, actions, personality, goals, etc. Share your processes, who sees best results, why you do certain things, your expectations in each project, etc... Cause people who aren't aligned with all of that will likely NOT inquire and waste your time anymore!
THAT'S ALL FOR TODAY!!
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I'm all about creating a space where we can have raw conversations about business and life, and embrace our messy, imperfect, crazy selves! I feel so lucky that you're here for all of it. ILY ❤️❤️
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